What the hell did I just watch? If I didn't know any better, I'd think that someone managed to spike my soda with cocaine and I simply imagined the whole thing in a drug-fueled hyperactive vision. I'm sure David Cronenberg would hate this movie (I doubt he's seen it), but I think I'm in love. Calgon ConSec, take me away!
Scanners is a sometimes gruesome science fiction thriller chock full o' David Cronenberg's themes and ideas. Christian Duguay's Scanners II: The New Order is a disappointing hodge-podge of concepts that are poorly executed and never given enough time to play out. Christian Duguay's Scanners III: The Takeover is …
… a parody of '80s action tropes? Wait, what?!?!
I'm as shocked as you are. Even more shocking is the fact that it works for the most part! I wouldn't call Scanners III a good film, but it is certainly a wildly entertaining one. It's all here:
— A Christmas-themed opening that is so wonderfully silly that it would make Shane Black giggle.
— The hero with the traumatic past (Steve Parrish's Alex Monet) who has secluded himself away as a monk in the sun-drenched mountains of Thailand and must later return to save the world, Rambo III-style.
— A long-time friend of our hero assassinated in a crazy fashion (by mind-controlled kickboxers!) while he is attempting to bring our protagonist up to speed on why he needs to go back home.
— A megalomaniacal villainess who gets all jacked up on a new drug (Ephemorol 3!), goes mad with power, and tries to take over the world (Liliana Komorowska as the hero's evil sister, Helena).
— Did I mention that Alex starts out looking like a yuppie douche in the opening and then returns to America in requisite hero attire (leather jacket, jeans, and stubble) and looking a little like Robert Pattinson? Because yeah, that's a thing.
— Martial arts-inspired fights but with a scanner flair! Who wants to see a scanner whip his head like a spin kick and his opponents fly backwards as though they were just round-housed? Look no further.
— Car chases! Including one involving a death by exploding golf cart and another involving our hero on a motorcycle being chased by uzi-toting goons in a shortbus!
— Henchmen galore! Many of which are dressed in gangster suits while toting machine guns and traversing buildings with grappling hooks!
— Cartoonish street thugs that look like they were ripped straight out of a Death Wish sequel? Check.
— People using fog show laser lights as weapons against scanners? Check, check.
— Crazy dance sequence? CHECK.
— Cheesy sex scenes? Check x3.
— Over-the-top performances? Checks out the wahzoo!
Honestly, all it is really missing is a few montages. Other than that, most of your bases are covered. While it isn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination, I am honestly in awe of how much fun there is to be had with this film. So much so that part of me wants to abandon writing this review for another 100 minutes so that I may watch it again.
When I initially conceived of this (honestly somewhat masochistic) notion of constantly tackling horror-related franchises from start to finish, deep down I harbored the hope that I would come across an undiscovered gem within one of them every so often. You try to remain optimistic, but realistically the chances of discovering one that you haven't already seen are slim. That goes double for franchises that eventually went DTV.
I knew going into Scanners that I loved the original and had vague fond memories of the fourth one (Scanner Cop). What little I heard about the other three films wasn't good. While the word on the "street" was dead-on about Scanners II, I'm somewhat surprised that the gonzo gloriousness that is Scanners III has not yet been re-labeled as a cult classic. Perhaps time will eventually make right this wrong, but this under-seen and under-loved diamond in the rough of a sequel has gained a new life-long fan.
Yesterday I said that since it is a rather crummy stand-alone, you shouldn't feel compelled to watch Scanners II if you are interested in exploring beyond ole Dave Deprave's original. I will not say the same of this whack-a-doodle follow-up. I'm not sure what Duguay was on when he decided that this was the course-correction to be taken after his dud of a first sequel, but it must have been some GOOD shit. Scanners III: The Takeover is a hoot from start to finish and while it may have a completely different tone and style than the original, I think its dopey charms and cornball antics are worth your time.
Now excuse me while I go give this one last spin before moving on to the next entry in the series …
